Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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