Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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