everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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