Don't make out with my wife yet
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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