Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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