I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
