I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
