the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
