remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
