Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
