dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
