I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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