You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
