my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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