well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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