im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
