So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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