I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
