I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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