Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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