a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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