remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
