How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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