I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
