Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
