it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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