I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
