just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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