; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
