I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
