Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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