i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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