our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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