im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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