god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
of course. lets lasso hookers.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize