he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
