operation have a gay friend backfired
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
