dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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