He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
