Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
