She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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