The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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