I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
