I will die if light touches me.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
