the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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