Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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