i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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