Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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