There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
