is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
