im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
