Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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