Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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