3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
