I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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