I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
