does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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