New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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