That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
