My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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