He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So much rum. So many feels.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
