I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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