Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've blown a few things in my day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
