There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
