he thought i was a dude.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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