there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
