I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
