Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sober January is a disaster.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
